Unmarried Live Togethers Discriminated Against at Christmas

Unmarried Live Togethers are facing more tough times this year, battling through tense family telephone round-robbins. Females are often the hardest hit by such situations, as for some reason, daughters can do more damage than sons. During holiday homecomings, families would prefer the co-ed existence happen off of the family homestead and exist out of site at a hotel or a family farm. In Burton. Where there are murders. See the Burton Blog for more on the false sense of security of serene Amish country (because that is where this Mista will be staying - at the family farm - if co-habitation happens over the holiday).

Bridget Jones didn't have to deal with such situations, as she just didn't live with someone (sorry, Bridget). Director Julie Taymore may have something to say, being that last I checked, she was "happily unmarried for 10 years," which by now would be happily unmarried for 13 years or so. Bridget had to deal with Smug Marrieds at dinner, and while Unmarried Live Togethers consider Joyful New Moms with Adorable (and Growing) Babies and grandparents who think they will die before seeing a marriage.

Fortunately, discrimination seems to stop at the bedroom, as this writer's boyfriend has been invited to attend the great family Men's Luncheon, where men are men and sit around predicting important things like who will win the Super Bowl and what stock NOT to short (some Mista readers will know what unfortunate male family member of mine was advised to short Google without consulting his knowledgeable granddaughter on the matter). They must have needed a strong Sports Authority figure, who in a secret life is actually a sports "color" commentator who colors the game with fun facts like which player was deserted by their father, and which was slighted for the Heisman in 1998, etc. (ok, I made up that Heisman part b/c I don't know any colorful facts and the boy is out rollerblading).

Like common highschoolers, Unmarried Live Togethers are forced to abide by parent's rule if they want to celebrate Christmas under one roof, as opposed to being shipped off to Amish country. Even if they are almost 30 or nearly 43. And like common highschoolers, sneaking around upstairs is an option taken by many. And does anyone ever consider the Grand Pets in all of this? Schlepping back and forth from Amish country to "home."

Maybe we should unionize. That would make Republican fathers really mad (most of whom have such rules in the first place, so I suspect that many of us Unmarried Live Togethers who are facing such discrimination do indeed have Republican fathers, who can join a support group I started for my dad called D.A.D - Dads Against Democrats).

Conclusion? Look for sales of Baileys and vodka to be up this season as polite daughters sweetly drown frustrations in tumblers over ice.

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